I Knew I was Going....

I knew …I was Going...

It’s so amazing! Life is so astonishing. When you are in good spirits, everyone is around you, with you, for you, beside you. But once you are on the death bed, people seem to be so disinterested in you. They want you to go away as fast as possible. Don’t want to see you anymore, want your departure for ever n ever. At that point of time, you realize the mistakes you have done in your existence. You feel guilty, at a wrong time, when you can do absolutely nothing. By the time you make your self clear, you are already gone. Well, let me tell you my story…

It was a very bad day for me, indeed. A silent morning turned out to be a horrible time, all of a sudden. From then on, my Bad days of life began.

I am not a very nice person. But yeah, I am not bad either. I have had the part of Fun in my life, but unfortunately could not give the same to others. I got affected by this serious nervous problem called the Parkinson’s disease. I can just think on my own, nothing else. My wife is my mom to feed me, bathe me, is also my walking stick. My son is my father to support me, to bring home something, the man of the house. My daughter, I got her married a few years back. But I can’t even say that because I could utterly do nothing for the wedding.

I am stubborn too. I don’t want to accept my defeat, don’t want too say “I am weak”, don’t want to take anyone’s support, and don’t want to feel I am ill. And that’s the reason why I have been forced to become bad. I throw away food I don’t like and for that matter I don’t take anything I don’t like. I don’t want to! I scold my wife. I feel embarrassed to face my son and ask him for something, so I pester him too. And that’s the reason why, I am not liked by them. But still they try their level best to do something for me. But I don’t like that too. So I care a damn about that. In spite of my illness, I want to get the best of the best things, everyone at my feet, at my feet, at my service, for me, dependent on me and my work. And soon I realized that, this day had come.

Hospital, a bad place! I hate that place. But I was put there, rather thrown there. I had got a severe attack that morning, brutal convulsions. I screamed my head off in agony and anger. The ambulance arrived, and took me off into that forest, where I would be lost forever and ever.

I was unconscious. I dint know what was going on with my body, but I knew I was going. I opened my eyes and found everything to be dull n dim around me. There was nothing bright; everything was as white as ‘snow’, clean yet dreary. I was also dressed in white. (White always signifies coldness n sorrow)

I looked around, but couldn’t move. I realized that I was pierced in more than ten parts in my body. The saline was dripping slowly into my veins and slowly I was going. I knew it. A transparent glass stood in front of me, with huge letters imprinted on it ICU. Hmm… Expected! I could visualize the scene going on outside the room.

…The doctor removed his mask and went to my wife and just nodded his head, and said,” Madam, I am really sorry to say, but there are very less hopes. I think u must call all the important people.” My wife was taken aback and so were my son and daughter. They started crying and so did I...

Relatives started coming to meet me, ‘dying’ to see the fading man. Little girls, old grandparents sobbed, cried and came into my room with NOT a ray of hope. I wanted to shriek and say,” I AM NOT DEPARTING, I will be with u”. But in the hearts of hearts I knew that my time had come, I had to leave.

Everyone took turns to stay with me at the hospital, some in the mornings and some at the night. They prayed to God that I should be relieved of my pain, and should go to the heaven and not hell. But I wanted to live, with all of them.

It was already two to three days since I had been in the Intensive care unit. Nurses, ward boys, doctors, visitors…I could see none with luster and spark. The parts of my body were done with their work and therefore stopped functioning. And so, they put needles everywhere and a hundred bottles of every possible medicine were surrounding me. But I dint want that. I wanted to eat, eat spicy food, and drink some coffee, strong coffee. But no one could understand me, because all they wanted was my departure yet I wanted to live.

Almost all my relatives had given their attendance, I mean, they had come to see me. A few of my old friends also came. I tried my level best to talk to them but, on the contrary, not a single word came out of my mouth. I was unable to talk. They got scared of me, because I looked like a pierced, dehydrated vegetable. I got shrunk into a little ball of organic matter. They looked at me as if I were already gone. But, dear folks, I was not!!!

After a few days, they shifted me into the normal ward. Yippee! I was out of that Intensive Care. I felt nice to be back to color, but unfortunately it seemed to be colorless for the others.

I was surprised or rather shocked to notice the reaction of everyone waiting for me outside the room. May be, for my departure. I could again very well visualize the scene outside my room…

…My wife went out of the room. Some of my relative stood there. My wife said,” He may not be leaving us now”, she gasped. “He doesn’t seem to be like leaving us soon. Doctors say he’ll be a little better.” My son just continued,” Man! He created a scene. I thought it would be all over! But...” and left the place. My daughter reluctantly said,” I have no idea as to what is going to happen. We have had enough or rather too much of his torture. I can’t take it anymore.” I dint know how to react. I realized what I had done. N so I wanted to live but I knew, wherever I might be now, I was going.

Relatives stopped coming. My wife stopped worrying, son started going for work and daughter was busy with her husband and child. I was just a dummy but half alive. People lost hopes of me, leaving them forever. I cried and cried and cried. But due to my ill health, couldn’t even do that properly, I couldn’t tell anyone how sorry I was. I knew it were my last days in this so called beautiful world. So I wanted to do everything possible. Laugh, eat, freak out with family, spend time with them…I really wanted to. But, nothing seemed to work out. They thought I would live, but I knew I was going.

Every time I looked at my wife, I remembered all that I did with her. Scolding her, asking her for things she couldn’t do, making her my servant. But still I could see in her eyes, somewhere in a corner, immense love for me, which I never noticed. I did a mistake. In my heart, I had a huge place for my family, but couldn’t express it. I had made a mistake and it was too late now. I remember shouting at my son for nothing, bawling at my daughter for a stupid thing. But my dear, that was the only way I could feel that I was superior to you. I was helpless. Even after all this, I could see the concern of my children for me, they got me admitted me into the best hospital, slogged day and night to take care of me. And above all this, they have looked after me so well. My dear, I want to tell all this to you, confess my love to all of you, but I have become a child in the hands of destiny. Along with blood, guilt ran throughout my body. I was helpless. I was powerless…

A few days passed, and I lay there, somewhere on some wood. Looking at everyone with eyes closed for ever and ever. I knew I could not do anything I did before, not scold, nor love, nor hate. I knew that I was gone. And there! I got the best of best things, best of the food, honey, sandalwood for my comfort, and in particular, everyone was at my feet, at my service, standing there for me, dependent on me, for my body’s permanent departure. Ah! At last I got all what I had wanted, but I was already DEAD.

" suggest me a title for this.. plzzz"

I am glad i don’t remember and so do u

The days when i was the size of a speck of dust

Or probably that of a drop of a dew.

A small pouch of seven by five metres, I was put into,

Where I was helpless and knew nothing to do.

Ah! I am glad I don’t remember! The place around me,

Was filled with blood and blood,

And there was nothing I could see.

In that darkness I grew,

From the size of the tip of a needle, to that of a cherry,

And then to the shape of a little base ball,

All this, with not much of merry.

I then started developing into a baby like thing!

With small hands, tiny legs, like wings!

I started getting food through a small pipe

Somewhere on the top of this bag,

Not any other,

From may be a good kitchen,

Whom people call mother.

I could eat, I could drink, I could even breathe,

All what my mother sent into me,

I could very well feel.

I am happy I don’t remember the feeling I had,

May be to get out of this clumsy bloody place,

Yes, I was sad.

I wanted to look out, come out, into a so called beautiful world,

But I was tied to my mum, I was helpless,

So I kicked with anger coz I dint always want to be curled.

I jumped, I pushed, I kicked, I cried,

But all that I got in return was Nothing,

Though I tried.

My mum told me “Baby you’ve gotto be patient and calm,

Coz u need to get ears, nose n eyes,

Not only arms”

For almost less than three century days,

I had to wait n wait,

Until I landed into this world,

Where life was just a game of fate!

As soon as I stepped into this world,

I cried n cried,

Coz I knew I came into a darker place,

N people had, to me, jus lied.

Life in this world in definitely not like in the womb,

And there is no such darkness again,

Unless u r in the tomb.

Though I am glad I don’t remember all this,

I am sad…

Coz she remembers everything she has done to bring up this lad.

The Soliloquy of My Country

Why am I depressed??

Why do I feel so lonely?

Y am I always left secluded?

When I am supposed to have so many around me ?

My one billion children

Bloom from my bosom

As lovely little flowers

On my garden, which now belongs to them.

I feel happy ,

to see them grow

Into a group of young fighters

To see them achieve what they want to.

I receive immense satisfaction

When these young lads succeed

In their enterprises.

And suddenly my bosom is destroyed

‘coz my family wants to run away from me

Doesn’t want to enjoy what I give them

Thrives to reach different corners of the world..

Leaving me deserted for ever n ever.

My little kids worked so hard

To reach to a high position in this society

N now, they go n serve another mother

To gain only riches?

Don’t they remember the beautiful greenery?

They have seen on my land?

Don’t they remember the beauty of sunrise here?

Don’t they remember the sacred rivers that flow with purity n serenity?

Why am I so unlucky?

That my children have forgotten what would happen

If they left me?

Who would develop me?

Who would make me the best in the world?

I don’t feel bad when the world points at me

Saying I am weak or incapable

I weep when My children help

My opponent to become strong and the best

On the world stage.

I just wonder!

If my citizens would be with me

It will take no time for me to become

The Number One

But unfortunately,

I don’t deserve such a great name

May be!

The most terrible thing is that

My children don’t want to come back to me

Don’t want to follow all that I taught them

My culture, my tradition, my language, my literature!!!

They feel insulted to teach their off springs ‘bout me..

This gives me a PANG in my heart, I cry.

But, nevertheless I still have some lovely sons

Who, I think care about me

They work for me

They live with me

They develop me

They love me.

And I love them too.

I have not forgotten those who have left me

Nor am I angry with them

Nor I mind if they have forgotten me

But I want to inform them

That it won’t take much time for me to become the best

My enthusiastic nation’s ready to fight n take up challenges

N make me the finest.

Oh young minds!! Be ready to demonstrate your gallant show

To prove whatever I told just now.

Your mind at work and your hands in action

Will make us reach the TOP tomorrow.

My Mirror

When I was born

My dear, it was you who was the most delighted.

When mom was away,

My dear it was you who carried me in your arms for long hours.

As I grew up mum became dad,

N My dear you become my Mother.

You were the one, who stood as my mirror,

My dear you made me realize what I am.

You scolded me when I was wrong, appreciated me when I was correct,

My dear, you showed me the right path of life.

You consoled me when I cried, when I was sad,

My dear you always made me feel good.

You laughed with me when I was happy, cried when I did,

My dear you always stood by me.

When I was lost and lonely,

My dear it was you who showed me the ray of hope.

You supported me, encouraged me, fought for me,

My dear you always made me feel special.

When I was hurt, it was you, who cried,

When I was victorious, it was you, who celebrated,

My dear I knew you cared for me.

But I want you to know that

When you smiled, it was me, who danced,

When you succeeded, it was me clapped,

When you shed a tear,

My dear, it was my heart that cried.

When I laughed at you, made fun of you,

My dear it was only because I knew you were right and always true.

When things weren’t going straight in my life,

My dear, it was you who brought back color into it and made things normal.

There were nights when you never slept, thinking about me,

But my dear, there also Days, when I thought only about you.

Through thick and thin of life,

You always were successful, at every junction, every station,

My dear, you are always my inspiration.

You are never a star that just twinkles,

You are the sun that always shines,

Which brings brightness into everyone’s life,

My dear it is you who makes me live.

I am thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful sister,

I wish it must always be us two,

My dear, I know you love me,

And I wish u know that I love you too.

Her Eyes Told It All

This day I wanted to see

It was like an examination for me

If the answer was yes the day is bloomy

If No the day was gloomy.

An intense situation stood there

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

Waiting for her to look at me

So that I cud confess to her.

Her beautiful eyes glanced over me

But I was still staring

They only reflected the warmth of friendship

Which seemed so caring.

i wanted to take our friendship

To the next level, the ultimate level

All set to disclose this

Though may come between the angel or devil.

i walked upto the young lady

i ve gotto tell you something

She smiled and said ,"sure buddy

I'll walk with you, you sing"

She walked as light as a feather

Playing with kaleidoscope

I stared at her all together

All I had was jus a hope.

she asked me what the matter was

And i said "oh yeah yeah"

'Coz i was nervous she asked me the cause

And again I said "hmm yeah yeah"

I guess I had to take

The biggest step indeed

Which were all truth and no fake.

That I cud do anything for her sake

I whispered out was i had to

I think she heard my say

I waited for the answer

And in my mouth, my heart lay

Soft and clear her voice

Ran through my ear

I realized a lot form what

Was said by my dear

Her answer threw a pang in my heart

And so very pale I stood

I dint have anything to say

if was” yes" how the situation would

"Not an age to love, not an age to hate

Nor an age to curse the fate

The most crucial age is this

Adolescence is never late

Infatuations avagations and distractions

Takes us miles away

From our life's destination

Which is not to go astray

To fulfill our dream

Is the ultimate goal

Without which is unrest our soul.

Well my answer is a simple NO

For which u might feel very low.

But have no sadness, have no fear,

Coz u can find someone even more dear.

The School Girl....

There was once a little girl

Of age five or six

Though not really troublesome

School for her was a fix.

Cried she loudly,” stomach ache!!”

When the school bus did arrive

Off she went to her granny’s place

Off with glee of her lie.

Poor granny set the bed

For her to sleep n rest,

The naughty didn’t bother ‘bout it

‘Coz granny’s house was a fest.

Running, jumping playing, laughing,

Was all she did the day long

Never complaining of her tummy

But hopping bopping, singing song.

With all the concern and interest

She sat to see her granny pray

N some where went her hearts desire

To rather go out n play!

Boom! She got up, n took her cane

N transformed suddenly into a teacher

N guess who the students were

The trees in the backyard n the little creatures!

The lass played for hours together

Beating up the trees n all

N suddenly whacked a little fly

Down came a very great fall.

The bubbly child just threw her stick

And sat down at the door

Crying loudly n bitterly

For the fly, lying on the floor.

She stopped the game she loved the most

The” Teacher Teacher “game

Though it was for only an hour

“poor fly”, cried the dame.

Yet, she became again the tutor

N taught the trees with her tool,

Made the granny wonder how

She liked the game but not her school?

As the evening drew nearer

The tiny fraud got a bit nervous

‘Coz her worried mother came home

To see her daughter all frivolous!!

Days passed by n years changed

And so did this young woman

Who once cried to go to school

Now deems it to be a heaven.